My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
