Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
