Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
