Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
