at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
