apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
