Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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