He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
