Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
