put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
wow bdsm is so cute
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
