I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
