There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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