I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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