thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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