How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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