I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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