do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
