I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
