On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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