anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
