oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
