If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
