Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
