3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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