its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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