When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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