I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
