I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
