Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
