There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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