i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i will never coherently bang her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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