If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
