no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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