We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize