absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
