omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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