Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would punch a child for taco bell
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
