It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
