Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
