Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this just has baby written all over it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
