Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
