brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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