I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
