Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Boobs are out for the taking
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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