What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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