So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
