you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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