I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
