We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
