Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
