Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
