he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
