I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize