he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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