Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize