I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
