Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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