where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
