I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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