how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
ttyl tear gas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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