Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
