If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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