she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
