True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my sisters under your porch take her home
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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